Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
