i wish starbucks made bloody marys
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Pooping to opera.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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