then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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