i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
