Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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