We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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