my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
