Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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