he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
