i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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