Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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