I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
