you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
