I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
