just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
