you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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