Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
