pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
