I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
