I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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