found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
