Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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