Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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