Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
3 2 1 whiskey
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
