I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
