Non-Jews are for practice
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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