ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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