Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
