I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
