i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
