Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
