I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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