My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
