I looked at my own cervix.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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