I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
