Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
