last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
