Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
