Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
