all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
