He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
