At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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