GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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