Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
handjob tips. give me some.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
