A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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