weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
