just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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