God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
