READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
