3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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